Boo! and Whoopie!

I used to live in a city that treated Halloween like New Year’s Eve. People would drive across the country to take part in the all-day, all-night party which inevitably involved drinking copius amounts of alcohol and doing really stupid things. On New Year’s Eve, everyone is a drunken fool. On Halloween, the drunken fools wear masks.

In many ways, this served to amplify the insanity of the evening. People were perhaps liberated under the cloak of disguise to make out with a stranger, attempt a pole dance at a company party or (as the hordes of young people who flocked to the city for the night became known to do) incite a riot.

A riot. On Halloween. Not for social, political, racial or economic equality or justice. A riot because bar time would inevitably come, the police would be called to disperse the crowds and drunken, belligerent people would be unready to leave the downtown area.

When I was growing up, I was taught that Halloween was a day of dread for the Jewish people. That it was a holiday that was marked by pogroms ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pogrom ) carried out against the Jewish villages in Eastern Europe. To juxtapose the lawlessness of a pogrom with that of an alcohol-inspired riot pushed a few buttons for me and made me wonder whether or not this was something I want to encourage my daughter to take part in. 

I looked up a bit about the history of the holiday: http://www.history.com/minisite.do?content_type=Minisite_Generic&content_type_id=713&display_order=1&mini_id=1076 The History Channel’s discussion of the holiday seemed awfully Euro-Centric to me, mentioning nothing of Dia de los Muertos. So I took another gander, this time looking up “Day of the Dead”: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Day_of_the_Dead and then, “Halloween”: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halloween. And then I took my daughter to a friend’s home for pumpkin soup, sandwiches, pumpkin carving and handing out candy. 

As family/friend units arrived at the door, I watched and took note. They arrived with squeals, laughter, amazing constumes (or no costume, but a great explanation: “I’m a lawyer–we come in all shapes and sizes and are very hard to pick out in a crowd”), ”Trick or Treat!”s, expectancy and happiness.

Our friends opened the door, talked to the children and their accompanying adults and learned about the families around them. It was wonderful. My daughter loved opening the door, treasured her one and only piece of candy (which we convinced her could not be opened before Halloween was over) and had a great time. This morning, she woke up, visited her candy and couldn’t wait to tell the Story of the Trick-or-Treaters to my father. She had clear memories of the night and they weren’t necessarily about scary costumes or sugary sweets. They were about visiting friends, seeing kids in costume, carving pumpkins and sharing a great meal.   

I suppose that some families choose to drive long distances, seeking out neighborhoods that give out copious amounts of candy and dissuade their children from speaking to the people on the other side of the doors. Perhaps they make up contests to see how much candy they can amass. Perhaps some people have costume contests or scavenger hunts or house-decorating parties. As long as everyone remains safe, is it really for me to judge how they should spend the evening?

I don’t think so. Perhaps the lesson of the evening is that, no matter the history of the holiday, each person approaches an event from a unique framework. From within this framework, they have the power to focus on whatever aspect of the celebration they find most attractive. As a parent, I find that my framework has shifted, and along with it, my choices about different celebrations. It is confusing, daunting, exhilarating, liberating and empowering. I can’t wait for Thanksgiving.